America in 90 Days

So from January 2018 to April 2018 I travelled America; Boston to San Francisco. While I will one day write an in detailed blog; as I went I wrote a sentence a day, here is that list;

Day 1: Arrived in a blizzard. Didn’t die. Victory.
Day 2: Started in Cheers, ended up in the Sam Adams brewery; where everybody know I’m drunk.
Day 3: Got chased out of Harvard by security in a golf buggie.
Day 4: Stood on the field at Fenway Park. “Don’t tell anyone in New York you were here” was ominous as fuck.
Day 5: Harpoon Brewery was epic. Not sure how I got to New York.
Day 6: Too hungover to function, walked all day in Brooklyn and got lost in a park
Day 7: 9/11 museum. Jesus that was harrowing.
Day 8: I accidentally ended up in some free comedy show called the happy time candy hour. Got so drunk I ended up doing an open Mic night slot because “fuck it.”
Day 9: Went to a New York rangers game and laughed too hard at “sponsored Zamboni rider.”
Day 10: Got fed meatloaf sandwich by the barman in a dive bar and the locals bought me drinks all night

Day 11: Got caught in midtown Philadelphia after the Eagles win. I’ve now been inducted. GO BIRDS
Day 12: Philly cheese steak… Jesus christ
Day 13: Explored the bars of philly, their beer is better than New York. Monk’s Cafe needs to be visited again
Day 14: Frat party, can’t even function, also keg stands are fucking stupid.
Day 15: Drinking games in the hostel with the Welsh, the English a South African woman and a Spaniard… Hows that joke end?
Day 16: Morning run up the rocky steps singing DEEER NEEER NEEEEEEEER DEEER NEEER NEERRR
Day 17: Walking around Washington monuments at night singing the house of cards theme tune retrospectively ruined by Kevin Spacey.
Day 18: Did captain America’s  morning run.
Day 19: Scottsman took me on a tour of the Captiol. “And here where they beat the English” was pretty much the title of every painting.
Day 20: State of the Union drinking game, my word was Tax; manly jello shots. How did we end up in a jazz bar?

Day 21: DO NOT FUCK WITH BUS DRIVER LINDA GILES.
Day 22: Got a portrait painted by a barmaid dubbed “the sexy Jackson Pollock” of Nashville.
Day 23: Quinoa whiskey is disgusting.
Day 24: Ate biscuits with an incredibly Christian woman and her daughter who recommended me a lot of christian rock music.
Day 25: Fuck Brady, Go Birds #Superbowl2018
Day 26: Lobster and Brie omletts…. Its the future ive tasted it.
Day 27: Jackson sucks, except Pig & Pint where the locals love me
Day 28: Found a speak easy in the back of a drug store. The apothecary was a classy joint.
Day 29: Met a gay porn star and his dominatrix best friend, who both offered fo fuck me too see who would do it best… I declined.
Day 30: Flashed my dick for beads. Classy as ever,
Day 31: Saw Nicolas Cage’s pyramid tomb. Cos that’s a thing
Day 32: So many things have hit me in the face… Why do parades hate me?
Day 33: Lundi Gras with the jazzbands of Frenchman street. So sophisticated till “oh she hates you.”
Day 34: Happy Mardi gras motherfuckers.

Day 35: Was so hungover I hovered round a diet coke giveaway for 3 hour playing Pokemon go.
Day 36: Americans do yell at the screen, mainly “fuck that guy” and “Wooo you go Panther.”
Day 37: Drove out of Birmingham blasting out “sweet home Alabama on the car stereo. One off the bucket list.
Day 38: Drank with the owner of the hammer and ale pub till they gave me free glassware. Best bar in Tennesee
Day 39: Graceland motherfuckers, The King has entered the building.
Day 40: Survived the drive down Elm Street. Perry 1 Kennedy 0

Day 41: Driving at sun rise playing” Woke up this morning” on a Dallas high way in sun glasses. Sapranos style.
Day 42: Toured Fort Worth’s outdoor water garden in a thunderstorm, cos that made sense at the time.
Day 43: Talked with Texans over BBQ and beer.
Day 44: Stopped off in little Rock, what a lovely day.
Day 45: Sat staring at The Twilight light show, so pretty… so stoned.
Day 46: Met an astronaut, was outta this world 😉
Day 47: Went to the rodeo and was a big boy and didn’t scream once on the giant Ferris wheel.
Day 48: The San Antonio river walk and ice cream, I’ve gone full tourist.
Day 49: Discovered the joy of Rainy Street and a black saison.
Day 50: Got my hair cut in an America barbershop. It’s exactly how it is in the films.

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Day 51: East side pub crawl with comedy and drunken spelling bee.
Day 52: First baseball game and a Free ticket to AWAOLNATION with the Austin city panda. (long story)
Day 53: Got high on Texan grass and watched the coverfield paradox with the locals.
Day 54: Drove through the dessert in a car with no name.
Day 55: Climbed a motherfucking mountain y’all.
Day 56: Got in a gun fight in a ghost town.
Day 57: Bison makes and amazing burger.
Day 58: Started burning to a crisp on the white sand dunes of new Mexico, ended in a crematorium themed cocktail bar in Tuscon.
Day 59: Got stoned with new age polyamorus hippies… And there was an underwater bar in the desert.
Day 60: Went to a air space museum and heard a WW2 pilot talk about his experience flying.

Day 61: Drive through Sedona, the mountains and several clouds. Best drive ever.
Day 62: Went to the horse shoe bend at the Colorado river. Never been more terrified of any height more in my entire life.
Day 63: Day at the grand canyon, view is impossible to beat.
Day 64: Went to the hoover dam. Only got searched by the police twice.
Day 65: Ferris Bueller’d around Chicago art Gallery
Day 66: Crashed an Engagement party in a drag show bar… As you do.
Day 67: St.Paddy’s Day; green river, green beer, green clovers… Completely fucked.
Day 68: Finally got a deep-dish pizza, only took the Belgian guy 3 hours to find the restaurant.
Day 69: Hit the blackjack table, broke even, made 20 dollars then ran.
Day 70: Got stoned at Fire Valley with an Italian and a Spaniard before driving down the Vegas strip.

Day 71: Lost 70 dollars on the blackjack after at one point being 195 dollars up.
Day 72: The Belagio water show signed Vegas off with ‘Time to say goodbye’… Manly tears.
Day 73: Drank on La Jolla beach with stereotypical marines.Only got in one fight. Classy as fuck.
Day 74: Was going to go to a legal weed dispensary, but then I got high.
Day 75: Ate my weight in exotic Mexican tacos, munchies may have been involved.
Day 76: Cycled across mission bay, didn’t crash, success.
Day 77: Rode a mechanical bull, won a drink and lost my dignity.
Day 78: Finally got to the end of route 66.
Day 79: Saw a blue moon from Griffiths Observatory Telescope.
Day 80: Danced the night away in Santa Barbra’s premium Irish jazz bar.

Day 81: Drove the Pacific highway with a Dutch bowling ally DJ shotgun.
Day 82: Walked across the golden gate bridge,Attacked by a giant seagull, like a boss
Day 83: Walked the most crooked and steepest streets in San Francisco, my fucking legs…
Day 84: Earned the Tourist medal on the street car: “Don’t lean out the car, you’ll die”
Day 85: Drank in a historical gay bar with a ginger.
Day 86: Found the murder spots of the Zodiac killer… Can’t stop singing The Hurdy Gurdy Man
Day 87: 80% sure I drunkenly danced to Brittney Spears mid oddly British pub-crawl
Day 88: Alcatraz isn’t best toured so hungover you may die… The ferry was a bad choice
Day 89: Sex on the piano. That is all
Day 90: Goodbye America, Perry has left the building….

 

-till next time…

Japan: Land of the Rising Fun

So I did it, fear of flying put to the test with over 13 hours on a plane, but I went to Japan to meet a few friends and explore the land of the rising sun. Japan is a fantastic country. Outside of Tokyo it does look like Back to the future’s idea of what 2015 would look like; neon flashing signs and 80’s colour scheme but the people are friendly, the architecture is stunning and the culture is incredibly interesting.

OSAKA & KOBE

Osaka was the first port of call when in Japan. Osaka has arcades, the Tekken museum, amazing restaurants and a statue of Elvis which sings as you walk past it. The bay is the place to go, the trees lit up by fairy lights leading to the giant Ferris wheel is a magical sight at night, and also a Hawiian restaurant called Eggs ‘n’ things which serves great waffles.

Kobe Beef, I’d kill for another piece…

On the topic of food; Kobe beef it’s often touted as the best beef in the world, and the most expensive. staying in Kobe you’d assume it would be cheep being on the door step, but a good course still set you back 6500 yen. That being said it’s worth it, served with starters of grilled seafood including scallops, octopus and shrimps as well as sides of soup and dips, building up to the main event that is Kobe beef. It’s ridiculously good. When people say the phrase “it melts in the mouth” it’s usually metaphorical, Kobe beef does genuinely melt in your mouth. It’s rich taste and divine texture are worth it, it’s probably one of the best meals I’ve ever had.

While were on about food where does ramen like Japan. Restaurants around the world serve it but not on the scale and speed which they do there. If you ever go, try a variety, most of them look the same so go for the ones with different ingredients or soup bases, It’s really nice, and albeit a bit salty. If you find a tomato based ramen get it, it’s one of the nicest things you will ever try, especially with the local gyazo.

The Lonley Tree on Mount Rokko

On the way to mount Rokko I was tapped on the shoulder my am elderly man, he opened his book and asked in near perfect English if “Rooting form” and “Cheering for” were the synonyms. We got chatting and for the last for years in preparation for the 2020 Olympics he had taught himself English from reading newspapers and television; If any of us tried to do that with Japanese it would probably take us 20 to get the basics.

To get to the top of the Rokko mountains you need a cable car which carries you to the top to see the glorious city-scapes. When I was up there the sun was setting make everything have a golden colour, it was B-E-A-utiful, if your in Kobe make sure you make the journey. There’s a Cafe.

The Ikatu Shrine

The shrines are of course a major part of Japanese culture. Osaka has the Ikuta shrine, one of the oldest shrines in Japan. It was the first place I went to and right from the start your hit with the traditional Japanese scene of red and black arches, marble engraved stones, and a stream flowing with carp, running through it. The shrines are amazing to see, and this one based in the middle of a busy city and highlighted the blend of the traditional and the modern everywhere in Japan.

Saki Barrels at the Meji Shrine

I visited a few more shrines, because one isn’t enough. The first was the Meji shrine which is spectacular, the arches, the forest, the architecture are all amazing sights, and the displays of saki barrels are beautiful. I’ve attached a picture here to show how amazing and beautifully designed they are. That art style is beautiful and I could have happily spent hours taking photos and skating them out, but I need to discuss the other shrine I went to… The Yasukuni Shrine.

The Yasukuni Shrine is an interesting shrine, its not the most beautiful site in Japan but is one of the more controversial. Public officials don’t visit it due to the enshrinement of war criminals, and this was felt when I visited as the atmosphere was sombre and less active than the other shrines… That maybe be down to the forest of bare trees though. One oddity of the place is the museum. A war museum owned by private hands is adjacent to it, and while not a history buff, I know it contains more inaccuracies than a creationists science book. It actively proclaims Japan in the wars were forced to take action by other countries, did not attack first and actually refutes Pearl Harbour ‘s existence as an event, the Kamikaze bomber adorning the exit is also intimidating, but if your a history buff there are a few interesting exhibitions if anything the inaccuracies make it a hilarious attraction. Both of these shrines are actually in Tokyo which brings me to;

TOKYO

Times square eat your heart out

Tokyo is an amazing place, the illuminated Tokyo tower is the distance, bullet train roaring past and all the lights and moving billboards fill your eyes with flashed of pink lights, Amine characters advertising what I assumed was either lip balm or robot suit pornography and the Shibuya crossing which has people running though the electric jungle in more directions than should be legally safe. Its probably one of the best cities I’ve ever been to.

Outside of the city centre, Tokyo is similar to other Japanese cities I visited, but outside the neon towers, its quite residential with a scattering of beautiful parks.

The serene Rinshi-no-mori Park

My morning run in Tokyo took me through the Meguro district, and several parks; Tamukai park, Shimizuike park, Dondohiroba park, Moguro Kumin centre park, and Fudo park, but Rinshi-no-mori park had to be one on my favourite places in Japan. Quiet paths with cherry blossoms and a stream where birds fed from the plants (I want to say a Japanese wax wing but it may only be saying that as its the only bird I know that’s Japanese.)

If I can offer one bit of advice for roaming round Japan is that its not to stick to the classic tourist sites. Seeing the real Japan means going off the beaten trail and exploring. Its an amazing little country with loads of hidden gems, the parks listed are just one of them.

Pokémon mega store

Gotta catch ’em all

The Pokémon mega-store in Tokyo is the most Pokémon place on earth. I’ve loved Pokémon since I was a kid, and as I’ve grown up (I won’t say matured) it’s the one game series I’ve stayed constantly attached to. Walking into the room there’s a giant Pikachu riding a mega Charizard and it’s instantly obvious where you are. limited edition Pokémon cards and Japan exclusive toys line the walls and soft plushies are everywhere.

I could of happily spent all of my money there but I gave myself a limit, so I avoided the mystery Pokéball surprise and generation 6 toys and opted for the more practical Pokémon purchases.

KYOtO

Kyoto’s Almighty Sky Penis

Kyoto has to be my favourite city in Japan. Dominated by Kyoto tower, there are amazing sights and places to visit; I visited the sky garden, Imperial Palace gardens, Nijo Castle, walked along Tamo river on the backs of stone turtles and found a bar where against all odds, the barman was moving to Leeds in the next fortnight. Kyoto is an amazing place to explore with a mixture of cultural and modern architecture to find hidden away.

I walked from the hostel to the Golden Pavilion and back which was about 25 miles (I did go via a few places) and while the Kinkaku-ji was an amazing sight to see in the sun, the places I found in-between where better. I stumbled onto the Hirano shrine which

Snapshot from the Imperial Garden.

doubled as an arts and crafts market with traditional shops and food stalls dotted in-between cherry blossoms. As I was by myself I was just enjoying the sites when an American couple tapped me on the shoulder and starting talking to me, enamoured with my accent the insisted I walk round with them and their tour guide, and I spent a few hours learning about the shrines of Kyoto and drinking green tea with people that wanted do know everything about England. They were lovely, everyone in Japan is extremely polite and willing to help, but be warned it’s full of anglophiles. That afternoon was probably one of the best days I had in japan, and I will visit the Hirano shrine again.

 

Yamazaki whisky distillery

Last place I’m going to talk about is basically my heaven. The Yamazaki whiskey distillery is like Willie Wonka’s chocolate factory, but for some of the smoothest whiskey imaginable.

A world of pure Imagination…

On the tour they told of how the whiskey is made, the process and how water is collected from a crystal clear spring which runs through the factory, and the ageing room with Barrels daylong back centuries adorn a long corridor which lead to a waterfall. The whiskey museum is filled with the distillery’s collection of whiskeys past and the bar has a veranda which leads out to a grassy verge which is probably the most picturesque beer garden In history.

The finest unblended single malt

The main event was the whiskey tasting at the end. The Japanese love their whiskey, but they don’t like the harsh flavour, instead it’s aged in Cherrywood and oak Barrels to create more subtle flavours than Scottish whisky and the result is the smoothest whiskey in the world, you can drunk it like water, glad I brought a bottle home with me…

And that’s all folks, I could rattle on for ages about how great and beautiful Japan is, and rattle off more stories like Nara and it’s free roaming dear or accidentally walking through Kyoto red light district but I’m aware I’ve rambled on enough. Till next time

-Sayonara

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